Spending time alone

I stayed alone many many times in my childhood and all I was dreaming about is having someone to take care of me...Growing up I was afraid to stay alone, I always needed someone by my side, even when I became an adult. This constant fear of loneliness was keeping my freedom inside of it's prison, where it feels hard and painful to live...But I couldn't let it go, especially, cos I didn't look at it in the right way. I thought there would always have to be someone to help me out, to take care of me, to wipe my tears away...There was no other way to live...But as anyone knows, it's all different in real life, people are busy, they have their own things to do, their own problems, their own lives, and often there is just noone near us. Of course it's different for everyone, but for me it's like that.

I've put so much responsibility on my boyfriend, so when he left me alone, I felt like he didn't love me anymore, when my sister left to another country when I was a kid, I thought she didn't love me and so on. It took me long time to realize that we should learn to be alone, we can't always rely on someone to help us out, to give us support we expect from people. We must learn not to expect people run to us right after we call them and give us a warm hug, just cos today we don't feel well...

The only way to learn to be alone is to stay alone. It starts with couple of hours and goes to couple of days. The more time you are able to stay alone and be happy with yourself, the more independent you get. I am not telling that you should get rid of all your friends and family members in order to find peace:) I am telling you that only by being able to help yourself in times of need you can also help others, you can get stronger inside and get rid of that constant fear that is burning you...You can also gain confidence.

I started shopping alone, which seems to be the easiest thing for a girl to do. In the beginning it was so much hard, I felt like noone needed me, that I was completely alone. I went to a mall and had a lunch after shopping, i drove there by myself and it was so amazing to know I can do so many things alone and enjoy myself, but it was also scary, I had a question in my head: will it be this way forever now? Do I need to stay alone?

So before your panic starts, calm yourself down, this is not a forever task, this is just your learning class. It's like a school, which you better go to every day to receive knowledge you'll need to use in the future.

You can start with small steps. Spend couple minutes alone with yourself every day. Listen to your breath. Soon you'll notice it's hard to stay like this long, as you want to move, watch tv, call your friends, etc. But it is an amazing excercise. It will be easier and easier for you to do after some time, and soon you'll see you can even enjoy it...

I hope it helps some of you guys,

Talk to you soon,

Your friend,

Anya