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вторник, 6 марта 2012 г.

Learning to forgive and learning to be alone...

For me this moment is about learning to forgive and learning to be alone. Pretty all my life I had problems to forgive people that hurt me, and believe it or not the closest people always hurt me somehow.
I realized not long ago that I have hard time forgiving them for that, and this makes me feel sad sometimes. I know it has nothing to do with me being hurt more than anyone else, it's just my personality that can't let go. When you can't forgive and forget, you basically can't trust people, and you constantly live in fear that someone is going to hurt you. That's why you're always waiting for a person to betray you or do something wrong, than when he does...You feel heartbroken, and realize in your heart: again I've made a mistake.
You actually expected something else, you expected a person not to ever hurt you...But the problem is that people are going to hurt, we are going to hurt each other, and this is just something what's so hard at times to accept.
At this point I'm sitting in my room realizing I AM alone. When you can't let go, can't forget, can't trust, and start to feel empty inside, like something is missing in your heart...you feel lonely.
What I am doing is learning to accept myself as I am, not judging, not analizing why I can't forgive and so on...First step is to accept yourself as you are, second step is accept people and reality as they are. As you are going to make mistakes, people are going to make them too, and there is nothing that can be done, but when you accept this inside your heart, it makes it easier to deal with others' being wrong...It's better not to expect anything from people than every time wait for a miracle to happen and than get disappointed when it doesn't.
Whether you feel betrayed, lonely, disappointed, crushed or empty, believe me you have a potential to overcome this by leading yourself through this nightmare, always remembering you came here for a reason whether it is to help other people or make youself one more person in the world who knows and understands himself...
Be patient to yourself, time will show how forgiving you can be, what you can achieve in a way to self improvement. If it's your main goal, we have a lot in common:)
Lots of love,
Anya


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