Recently I noticed it was hard for me to forgive myself for the decisions I've made in the past. I guess only they brought me to the point where are I am now: sometimes broken, desparately trying to strive for finding peace within. Sometimes my strength is just not enough, and I blame myself for that. I've been playing this game just as long as I've been playing it with my family. It's sometimes so easy to blame circumstances, blaming and yourself, being ashamed is the hardest. It feels like you are being torn apart by your own hands.
This transformation is very important for me, and I guess it's about time, not to only let go, but accept some things I chose to do because I though it was right. I didn't do it to hurt myself or ruin my life, all I did was because I thought it was right. I felt there was a way to deserve happiness. The more you suffer, the happier you'll become in the future, but you know, guys, it's a LIE. Life we sometimes tell ourselves making ourselves go through nightmares to "deserve" happiness.
Remember, the past is in the past, who you are now - that's what matters.
I am now the person who does not use circumstances, my past, my family mistakes, and hopefully my own mistakes to justify my own unhappiness. That's what I'm working on, no matter what, I'm getting there.
I imagine myself in the edge of the ocean, confident, strong, free and happy. I visualize that moment, so it will someday happen!
Love,
Anya
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