Finding Hope Within

Feeling low all the previous week, laying in my bed for hours and trying to fight the ruminating thoughts in my head have been a challenge, needless to say, all this routine took all life energy that I seemed to have in me weeks before and left me absolutely empty and lost...

See the beauty of life through the obstacles

If you ever feel this way, I can totally get it, and I am there for you!

I love going for walks and simply take pictures for my blog whenever I'm feeling low. Sometimes it's hard to stand up and go, but I must say, I feel proud that I managed to make myself go outside. Hopefully it will inspire you to do the same, or do anything that brings comfort and joy into your heart, no matter what's happening in your life. 

 If you don't see the beauty in simple details you haven't look long enough

 Life might seem to be grey at times, but there is beauty anyway

Without any obstacles on the way this picture would not look so perfect

There will be times you'll want to give up though. At times my anxiety is too hard to handle and I wish I could cut my head off in order not to think, but please, keep remembering, this time will pass. This is one of the most important things to remember: IT IS TEMPORARY. When you overcome it, you'll find yourself much stronger! Do not get scared of these times, they come and go. 

The way you deal with it now depends on you only! 

Do whatever it takes to get up and keep going!

I LOVE YOU,

Anya

p.s. See my VLOG from this day:

Playing with a blade: my truth about self-harm

The last video I made was dedicated to self-harm. To some of us it can be hard even to think about it, and, must I say, it took me a while to start this topic on my channel as well... 

It brought up some really hard memories in my head and looking at the blade while even taking those pictures made me quite sad, as it seemed for a moment I was going through this again. When I am nervous I tend to smile or even laugh, no matter how hard it is. And what you could see in the video is somewhat the product of my life experience formed with words... Can I say I'm good at that? I don't know. 

I know one thing: I am doing this for others, for my viewers, readers, people who need it, and it makes me incredibly happy. I am glad it is over now, as playing with a blade has never been my habit. When I get to know someone who is struggling with this, my heart starts racing. 

It was just one-time experience which got stuck in my memory for a long time, and sharing it, I guess was necessary. It's not always about beautiful life. There is also pain we carry in our hearts, than on our body parts, body in general. 

No matter what your addiction is, today we are not free from something that seems to help us to cope... Tomorrow we are free. I know that there are no words to describe how much I wanna help, and it won't probably change a thing. 

Only you can decide! But I am here for you if you need me! 

Love,
Anya

Seeing positive in negative

I don't particularly love fall or autumn because I tend to get depressed in this season. In the city where I live, Saint-Petersburg, it is always gloomy and sad, it's not the way fall could be, in my opinion, as in general it's a beautiful season with overwhelming, colourful scenes, which can bring up bad and good memories...

As I tend to get depressed, the key for me to stay focused on my goal, HAPPINESS, is actually pretty simple: see positive in negative. I love to take pictures, And what can be a better way to actually capture the beauty than through taking a picture or painting (drawing), writing. When you are doing all those thinsg you are trying to see something good about the gloomy weather, for example. And when you are trying, it always works: you see, what you normally don't see. Through this you can also start to feel differently about things, and it is encouraging. 

It doesn't happen over night, but it is a process of transformation. And it's important to always remember, that transformation is not a goal, it is something we experience every day, if we are trying and working on ourselves. 

And when you are trying, it always works: you see, what you normally don't see!

Love, Anya

p.s. check out my new video on YouTube if you'd like!<3

There is a reason why you are here, and there is a reason for your experience

Driving today and practicing for my new video of monthly favourites I found myself extremely happy. As I move through this life trying to deal with all sort of different things, I find myself completely alone sometimes, but what makes me happy is that my experience is something I can share with you, guys. Without it would I be able to help anyone? Would I be able to get so much knowledge about things that lead to constant fear, desperation and sometimes... suicide. If you ever wonder why you exist on this planet, try not to concentrate too much on what people might think of you, but think of yourself first. Because there is a reason why you are here, and there is a reason for your experience. 

My good friend from youtube once sent me the picture you can see below. I can't explain what it meant to me, but it felt like it was not real, I was so happy! 

Every message counts. Even if you can help only one person, it explains all: why you are here. And believe it or not, your smile, your words have already made a difference in someone's life at least once. You are an important part of this huge world,where everyone is needed!

You are an important part of this huge world, where everyone is needed!

Love,

Anya