Finding Hope Within

Feeling low all the previous week, laying in my bed for hours and trying to fight the ruminating thoughts in my head have been a challenge, needless to say, all this routine took all life energy that I seemed to have in me weeks before and left me absolutely empty and lost...

See the beauty of life through the obstacles

If you ever feel this way, I can totally get it, and I am there for you!

I love going for walks and simply take pictures for my blog whenever I'm feeling low. Sometimes it's hard to stand up and go, but I must say, I feel proud that I managed to make myself go outside. Hopefully it will inspire you to do the same, or do anything that brings comfort and joy into your heart, no matter what's happening in your life. 

 If you don't see the beauty in simple details you haven't look long enough

 Life might seem to be grey at times, but there is beauty anyway

Without any obstacles on the way this picture would not look so perfect

There will be times you'll want to give up though. At times my anxiety is too hard to handle and I wish I could cut my head off in order not to think, but please, keep remembering, this time will pass. This is one of the most important things to remember: IT IS TEMPORARY. When you overcome it, you'll find yourself much stronger! Do not get scared of these times, they come and go. 

The way you deal with it now depends on you only! 

Do whatever it takes to get up and keep going!

I LOVE YOU,

Anya

p.s. See my VLOG from this day:

Happy ToDay: Finding Happiness Within

I guess one of the most important discoveries I've made in my search for happiness is just that happiness does not depend on anyone or anything. 

I guess it's all about how you feel inside and how you perceive situations going on around you. You can choose to play a blame game forever of course, but would it actually change anything? 

The secret is that no matter how hard you try to change things going on around you, the more exhausted and unhappy you become. It's not that you should never act or try to change something in your life to become a happier person, but it's just important to recognize that some things are just the way they are, they are not under your control, and you better be humble enough to accept that. 

It is also important to remember, that it's ok to be sad sometimes, not everything goes your way. Does that mean you're unhappy person? No, it just means you learn to deal with the situation, get stronger and keep going, staying same happy person as you always were inside. 

I don't regret any experience I've had so far, as each one of them made me the person I am today. Do I want to be somewhere else right now other than sitting in my room writing this blog? Sometimes, but from the other side I know I am here for a reason, and I am doing what I love the most - probably helping someone feel encouraged today. At least I like to believe so. 

As long as you have faith, hope, and love in your heart, you can make it through anything! I promise you!

Love,
Anya

Fear of loneliness - time to to talk about it...

I was trying to postpone this topic as long as possible, but I guess, it is time...

First of all, let me say, that any fear can hold us from reaching our goals and simply enjoying life. 

I lived my life trying to put responsibility for my fear of loneliness on other people, my relatives, my boyfriend. I did it until I realized that it was all me, who made myself so jealous, envious, anxious and unhappy person I have become. And it was time to take responsibility for it...And I did...

Not all went smooth of course and still doesn't. It's ongoing process and all I have to say for now: you have to be patient with yourself. It's not something that is going to change over night.

I still have my moments. I am anxious about staying absolutely alone one day, I am anxious when I stay alone for a while even now, and I know, that someday this fear will go away, but only if I work on it. I know that my strength will be enough to heal from this anxiety and hit my goals.

As long as you have faith in you, you have perspective, I promise, that you can do anything! You might have struggles every day, but they are only made to make you stronger and wiser. They are temporary!

Love,
Anya

Starting my own Happiness Project

I have just read "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin, which will be in my monthly favourites for sure. I didn't know how much it would impact on my current life but it actually did. I decided to start my own Happiness Project. Of course it will not be that strict as I believe stress is something I don't need in my life right now, and if I am going to say: I will be "something" for the whole month, I am afraid, it would put some sort of pressure on my shoulders. 

One of the most important things I want to change in myself is I want to become more kind and positive, since I tend to be mean and critical at times. Well, why lie? MOST OF THE TIMES! I have been using mean sarcastic jokes for all my life and getting rid of those will definitely be a challenge. I am not saying that joking is bad in general, I am just saying that sometimes things we say even as a joke can hurt others without us even noticing it. 

I am also critical about things, and would like to change it. Some people think that speaking is the same as thinking, but I am a strong believer that we are what we speak more than what we think. The more negative we speak the more unhappy we become, as we let this negativity spread all over our entire life. 

We change when we think differently, but we can only change our way of thinking by changing our actions. Speaking is a form of action. 

I feel the happiest when I achieve my goals in self improvement. This is the best I can do for myself! 

Love, Anya

Seeing positive in negative

I don't particularly love fall or autumn because I tend to get depressed in this season. In the city where I live, Saint-Petersburg, it is always gloomy and sad, it's not the way fall could be, in my opinion, as in general it's a beautiful season with overwhelming, colourful scenes, which can bring up bad and good memories...

As I tend to get depressed, the key for me to stay focused on my goal, HAPPINESS, is actually pretty simple: see positive in negative. I love to take pictures, And what can be a better way to actually capture the beauty than through taking a picture or painting (drawing), writing. When you are doing all those thinsg you are trying to see something good about the gloomy weather, for example. And when you are trying, it always works: you see, what you normally don't see. Through this you can also start to feel differently about things, and it is encouraging. 

It doesn't happen over night, but it is a process of transformation. And it's important to always remember, that transformation is not a goal, it is something we experience every day, if we are trying and working on ourselves. 

And when you are trying, it always works: you see, what you normally don't see!

Love, Anya

p.s. check out my new video on YouTube if you'd like!<3

The secret of loneliness

Does loneliness actually have a secret? When people turn their back on you, when it seems like noone understands, like you hurt inside and have noone to share it with... What's the secret? The secret is not loneliness makes you unhappy but you! 

There is nothing wrong in spending time alone watching the beauty of small things you don't seem to notice on a daily basis, being with someone else, busy with daily life... 

Loneliness gives you a chance to look deep inside of you and see that person within others might not want to see or can't simply see. It's like the beauty of black and white. There is something magnifying in mystic forest to me, in slow, probably sad at times, music, rain drops falling onto the windowsill, - all associated with loneliness in our minds, right? 

The other secret is that you are never alone! The are billions of people like us feeling the same way from time to time, it makes a circle of those, who have a choice: to use their lonely time to recreate the future or to fall and never get up. Let loneliness be, let it stay here for a while, enjoy the silence, but never let it brake you, always choose to move on, it can't stay here forever, and, as any other feeling, it transforms into something you want it to be.

Loneliness gives you a chance to look deep inside of you and see that person within others might not want to see or can't simply see

Love,

Anya

Transforming a bad today into bright tomorrow

In the days like this one you expect that something amazing should happen. I twitted this morning something like: something great is gonna happend today! So what actually happened? Nothing! I promise you I woke up with a strong feeling of "lots of things have to be done today" and by noon I was absolutely exhausted and disappointed by my ability to overcome my own weaknesses. Does that happen to you? I am sure it does! But do not get discouraged. There are good and bad days in our lives and each one of them counts. As I wrote today every step matters. Today this step is my attempt to make a blog, I still didn't make a video though, but it's ok, I can do it any other day! What makes you depressed? Your own thoughts: I didn't do what I planned today, the day was useless, etc. But start to think it in a more positive manner: I didn't do it today, but I will do it tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day and I am gonna start it fresh! Let every positive thought fly across your brain, but don't block negative ones, just let them come and transform them into positive. Sounds easy, but not that easy to do... But the more you practice the better! Soon you'll find this actually works. I am blogging here now with a "bad" day behind my back, but there is no past in the present, there is only now and tomorrow, how I think about my past is my choice now, how I set myself for tomorrow is my choice now as well!

Let every positive thought fly across your brain, but don't block negative ones

Love,

Anya

Every step you make, big or small, counts!

I am currently reading the book of Nick Vujicic "Unstoppable". This guy really is unstoppable! I talked about him in one of my videos and also wrote about Nick in my blog before. Since then many things changed except my being inspired by this man and thankful for knowing his story. Born without arms and legs and managed to create his company, get happily married and change lives of thousands of people! How many of us could do that? The stories of people like Nick inspire us, but do they actually make us move forward? The inspiration without motivation is useless. And no matter what we are dealing with, we have to use our knowledge about people who inspire us to actually change something in our own lives. I love Nick's saying "one step in a time", it almost became a joke between me and my friend, but this saying is actually deep within me from the first time I heard it. It actually really is one step in a time, when you have to deal with difficult situations in life, but you know what matters the most? That you make that step! Every step you make, big or small, counts! Reward yourself for that! I live my life with my main goal: to be the change I want to see in this world! I do really small steps, believe it or not. But when I get the results even from those small steps, it makes me the happiest person in the world. Please do not get discouraged by your mistakes, when something goes wront at times, you still can move on, the only thing that can stop you is a thought that you can't make it anymore!

From Nick's Facebook page, absolutle love these guys!

The only thing that can stop you is a thought that you can't make it anymore!

Love,

Anya

Bad news with no support, how to overcome?

It's hard when noone supports. I'm going through a very tough period in my life right now and I've come to realize how it is important to learn to deal with stuff alone. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer... I never wrote about it before, but I used to be engaged with a guy diagnosed with cancer... I worked at the cancer hospital for 4 years where we first met. I must say, I lost few of my good friends, and one, who was very special and close to my heart. Now it seems I have to go through this again, and I don't feel empty as I know all about cancer, I don't feel weak because I was kind of preparing for this for all these years, but I feel sort of lonely at times as my relationships with have never been supported, nor they are supported now, I have noone to talk about my feelings about cancer in general, how it influenced my life, and how I am going through all of this again inspite of me trying to run away from it... 

There is light behind the darkness!

I'm writting about this not to complain, in fact, this is the last you want to do in life. But let me tell you only one thing: you will always have you on your side. No matter what you are going through, you are your best support system, you are your best friend! It's not the right time to give up and say: I can't do this anymore, because as long as you open your eyes every morning, you can do this! Do not let your world shutter just because someone throws stones in it, it will stand still, no matter what!

Love,

Anya

Blogging again!

It's been a while since I wrote, but while I was on Corfu, Greece, I started to write my diary again, and I thought why not blog again? It's an opportunity for me to share my daily life with you, guys and also help some of you who need it much more often than I can on YouTube. Don't get me wrong, I love doing YT, it just takes a lot more time to make a video than write a message for you, my friends. 

Stay with me for more encouragement, support and daily motivation!

Love,

Anya

How to be happy just now?!

Many of us might ask this question, especially now, when everyone is saying how it is important to be happy already now and not to wait for the wonderful moment to come! The most important question you can ask yourself: DO I REALLY WANT TO BE HAPPY? If the answer is: YES, start with your head, changing your thoughts into something positive! Every single morning find things you enjoy, things you are thankful for. Really loved this quote on Pinterest:

Love,

Anya

Music inspiration of the day: Avril Lavigne - Let me go ft. Chad Kroeger

Sometimes letting go the past is the hardest thing to do... Check out my music inspiration of the day:

Forgive everyone who has ever hurt you

I told like too many times that I grew up in the family of 2 drinking guys - my parents, there were also some other people to come over and make this party never stop. My mom used to leave me at home alone a lot, my dad had to work and after work he often got drunk. There were happy moments: like spending time together, going for walks, taking pictures together, playing games, etc. But after all, some bad moments got stuck in my memory much more than the good ones for many many years. Seems like those memories were poisoning my soul: I grew up as a depressed, lonely and unhappy person full of fears and anxiety. It had a lot to deal with my mom's mood that was constantly changing while I was growing up, it was like a roller coaster: one day she loves you, and another day she seems to hate you, and says she wants you to die. You don't know why it is happening when you are a child, and I blamed it on me a lot, I had a huge pity to myself and lacked confidence. All this made me almost hate my parents and constantly repeat those moments in my mind to remind myself how unhappy I was until I decided to say: STOP! When your brain is constantly working on a mode: "I am the unhappiest person in the world" it can be hard to change into something else, as it just become a habitual thinking, and becomes a huge part of your life perception. 

I guess one of the most important things I have done for myself in life was forgiveness of my parents. As I said blaming my parents for all the bad stuff I had in my life was poisoning not only my brain but also my body. I had moments when I wanted to die cos I wanted them to feel pain of losing me in their lives. But at the end of the day, it's you who suffer the most from unforgiveness. You can't be happy cos your mind tells you: I had a bad childhood, noone loves me, my life is always gonna be the same, etc. Unforgiveness can be related with your parents, siblings, friends and so on. Whatever it is, let it go. It is a long hard process, but what helped me a lot was realisation that I wanna do this for myself in order to heal my pain and be happy in life. Noone else is gonna do this for you. And if you wait all life just for people to come to you and say: "I'm sorry for the pain I made you feel", 1st you can wait all your life and still not get it, 2nd even if you get it, you will understand it was not worth it cos you wasted so much time and energy on blaming those people, 3rd no matter what they say or do, you can still have peace already now, and than if they say sorry, you are going to feel better, but don't let your life be dependant on someone saying or doing certain things. Choose transforming your life already now! Let go your past, and concentrate on your present. 

At the end of the day the "blame-game" is only pulling you back!

If you have any questions, please leave a comment below or send me a message,

Remember, I care for you and always will!

Love,

Anya

6 tips for a happy life

Hey, guys, here are 6 tips for a happy life, that I managed to figure out through my own experience, hope these will be helpful for you!

1. Enjoy every single moment (even a simple one, like drinking a cup of tea/coffee in the morning or taking a bath) even when you are alone;

2. Set goals and do what it takes to achieve them. Don't think they are stupid or something. Everyone is different and has their own interests;

3. Try to see something positive in every situation even if it seems to be hard. Experience shows that things that seem to be pretty crappy now turn into something really amazing in the future;

4. Learn to forgive and not to keep anger inside;

5. Do something you enjoy as often as possible. If you didn't find it yet, then take your time and try out different things;

6. Start your day with a smile and end it with "thanks". 

Make these steps your habbit. It will be hard in the beginning but once you get used to it, you'll find yourself if not happy, then happier. 

Love you, guys,

Always yours,

Anya

p.s. check out my new video:

One smile can change the world

What a crazy thing people can do to you? Yeah, they can bring your confidence down, ruin your day, make you feel unworthy and unhappy! With just two words!!! I feel sad because of this, it always makes me sad. I guess what it does, it makes me worse sometimes, makes me say something back, something bad to bring them down to revenge, and I feel about it afterwards...What I feel is that we all miss a smile in our lives, a smile of some person we maybe don't know, a smile of a person who used to be far away from us, the smile of our loved ones...I miss that smile too, every day of my life. It is hard to be better, it is hard to give a smile without expecting it back and it's hard to keep smiling when someone is hurting you, yeah, hurting you!
Check this message from one of my fav girls on youtube, and bright up your day with a smile. People that inspire make a difference in the world, and what we should do is to try to inspire others as well. Maybe it won't work out tomorrow, but make it your goal, and live with it! I am sure it will bring more purpose to our living.

Love you very much,
Anya

Learn to win, and learn to lose

Hey everyone, today just felt like writting about my lose in the contest a famous guru one youtube was recently holding (for those who know, this person was Kandee Johnson and the main prise was a huge make up set:)). So all you needed to do is to come to her blog every day and write comments about why you like her videos, what was the first video of her you saw and so on. So I came there every day, like 3 times a day to write a comment. One of the rules was not to repeat yourself, always write a new comment. So it seemed to me I have put all my heart in it, I wrote about how her videos changed my life, how thankful I am to her for all and so on. There is no doubt I wrote everything I felt not just to win the prise but to share my appreciation to the person I respect, but still the willing to win was pretty huge in my heart:) I am not even telling that I'm currently having a huge huge project at work and I get so tired, so I could hardly write all those comments...
Well, imagine my feelings after all, when she announced the winner...Of course it wasn't me:) I was trying to find that winner's comments in order to see what she did what I didn't do. I felt it was unfair and almost wanted to cry, not so much because of the make up I didn't get but because I won't get anything from the person that I really love and appreciate:) A little something from someone who has changed a huge part of my life, someone I will probably never ever see in my real life...
I realize how stupid it is to get sad over something you didn't win, but I did...This morning I woke, and now I have a completely new way of thinking about it...One of the winners is a girl who has cancer, which obviously deserves the prise more than I do, other girls wanted this not less than I did, and I can't imagine even how happy they are to win right now. I was thinking about it, and my heart started to change, because no matter who wins, someone is going to be happy and it's the best that can happen. This is my prise: to know that someone is happy right now! I didn't win and I am like a child who didn't get what he wanted, my normal feed back is to cry out loud in order to recieve what I want. But I am not a child anymore, I am the person who can think of someone other than myself, and that's what I am trying to do...
We have to learn to lose same as to win, as when we lose something we were fighting for we actually win something we didn't even think of: being happy for someone's win!
I know, sometimes there is more than just a make up set, every situation is different, but I am writting here not about the rules for every situation, but for the situation where they can be applied.
Have a great day, guys,
Always yours,
Anya